Useless Smokers

Every once in a while I like to go out for a night on the town, to try and forget all the shit you people give me to write about. There is nothing like having a couple of cocktails, getting out on the dance floor, having a little fun. However, after a couple of hours, I feel like a 7 year old Malaysian kid in a sweat shop. So I will usually take a step outside to get a breath of fresh air and cool off. Usually, at this point I have forgotten all the stupidity that raises my fucking blood pressure. Unfortunately, this is the time that someone brings me back to reality and gives me chest pains.

A person will walk up to me and every other person outside and ask me for a lighter or even worse a smoke. Now some of you who smoke might think I am an asshole. My defense against such allegations . . . is you can go fuck yourselves. How does someone have a habit, that gives those cravings that makes them irritable pricks every forty five minutes, and not have everything they need to satisfy those cravings. Listen you fuckers; do you really think you won’t be craving a smoke in 45 minutes? So fucking stupid. “Can I bum smoke”? Hell no, but you can go fuck yourself.

And don’t confuse me for someone who is anti-smoker. I know a stress-related heart attack will get me before lung cancer gets any you assholes smoking. I don’t give a shit how you end you fucking life faster. Booze, smokes, sex, drugs; fuck it, who gives shit. Name your poison and take it. 

Group work and Bobby Big Wheels

Hey any of you that are students out there or ever plan to work with another human being read this about five of times and if you can’t figure it out after reading it a couple of times, then just smash your head against the screen till everything goes black.

Group work is the worst aspect of university. I don’t mind it when someone procrastinates when it only murders their G.P.A. Since procrastination is like masturbation the only person they are screwing is themselves. Now when group work is introduced it is like taking every healthy human being and sewing a cancerous tumour into their brain.

I was lucky enough to get assigned a group work this term. Now I don’t mind when someone straight up tells me they want a free ride. They sit there, when there is group discussion of the project, with a blank stupid stare, which screams I am useless human. I will not count on that person for shit; they are dead to me.

Now what I can’t stand is when someone stands up and acts like bobby big wheels. Bobby here will screw you over more than anyone else. He will act like he is here to get some serious work done, especially if there are hot girls in the group. Instead he will screw you. He will take over a part of the project that will fuck everyone else over if he does not get it done.

Now if there was justice, Campus Protective Services would kick down his down his door and beat the living hell out of him. Instead I get charged with breaking and entering and aggravated assault for delivering much needed vigilante justice.  They should publicly flog bobby in front of all his peers to send a message.