Useless Smokers

Every once in a while I like to go out for a night on the town, to try and forget all the shit you people give me to write about. There is nothing like having a couple of cocktails, getting out on the dance floor, having a little fun. However, after a couple of hours, I feel like a 7 year old Malaysian kid in a sweat shop. So I will usually take a step outside to get a breath of fresh air and cool off. Usually, at this point I have forgotten all the stupidity that raises my fucking blood pressure. Unfortunately, this is the time that someone brings me back to reality and gives me chest pains.

A person will walk up to me and every other person outside and ask me for a lighter or even worse a smoke. Now some of you who smoke might think I am an asshole. My defense against such allegations . . . is you can go fuck yourselves. How does someone have a habit, that gives those cravings that makes them irritable pricks every forty five minutes, and not have everything they need to satisfy those cravings. Listen you fuckers; do you really think you won’t be craving a smoke in 45 minutes? So fucking stupid. “Can I bum smoke”? Hell no, but you can go fuck yourself.

And don’t confuse me for someone who is anti-smoker. I know a stress-related heart attack will get me before lung cancer gets any you assholes smoking. I don’t give a shit how you end you fucking life faster. Booze, smokes, sex, drugs; fuck it, who gives shit. Name your poison and take it. 

DWBFI (driving while being a F@#$ing idiot)

I am huge supporter of public transit. This is not because of some love of the environment, but rather because most of the time I get behind the wheel, I get closer to having a stroke than to my destination. This is due to how many shitty drivers there are.

Now if you are wondering if you are a shitty driver and are possibly responsible for near accidents or the causing of strokes, here are 2 factors I see contributing to driving (and being a f@#$ing idiot).

#1. Are you under the age of 30? If you are young, you are most likely fucking stupid. The logic is simple: the younger you are, the dumber you are. The natural gathering of experience that accompanies aging will usually decrease your stupidity. So there is hope that you will one day be able to navigate the road without generating both danger and hate. Don’t buy it? Look at younger version of yourself. You would believe anything your parents told you. Let us consider: the tooth fairy, Santa, and the Easter bunny. If your parents tried to sell you on that B.S now you would laugh at them but back then you ate that shit up easily.

You need more proof, then let me tell you a little story. For protection of what will be left of this person’s dignity, we will substitute his real name with “Fucking Stupid”. One day during the winter, Fucking Stupid was driving. Fucking Stupid comes up to an intersection, where an old lady stops short, and he slid right into the back of her vehicle. Now I love Fucking Stupid like a brother but his excuses were weaker than my faith in humanity.

He told me the reasons for the accident were the icy conditions of the road and the old lady stopping short. Very observant Fucking Stupid. Yes these are contributing factors, but the cause is Fucking Stupid being young, and well, fucking stupid. First of all how fast was Fucking Stupid driving? Fast enough to give that old lady a sore neck. I would guess the speed limit, or, more likely, the speed limit plus 10km/hr. Fucking Stupid should have left earlier and drove slower. If he did that I would be calling him Fucking Smart, not Fucking Stupid. He should have increased his following distance. Now I am going to guess that Fucking Stupid could have paid more attention to the road. I can bet you that there was some sweet tunes blasting out of his radio and he was probably thinking about a girl or if he was going to be late. He was probably thinking about anything besides the car in front of him. Well let’s ease of Fucking Stupid. In a couple of years he’ll figure it out. Now let us move on the next clue.

#2. Are you lazy/useless? You can tell, if this is someone else, if you have ever had someone drift into your lane and you had to honk to apparently wake them up. This happens all the time, and it isn’t because people are that tired. No no no, it is because these people are lazy and useless. To prevent this situation, all the person drifting into your lane would have had to do was make a shoulder check. All that person had to do was turn that big empty fucking head of theirs and see your vehicle. Furthermore, where is the signal? How useless and lazy can someone be that they cannot move their finger 3 or 4 inches to reach the signal? If you don’t use your signal when you switch lanes, do the world a favour and plow your vehicle into a concrete wall. Preferably somewhere that you won’t hurt anyone else.

Leave any other factors you can identify in the comments. Help people identify people driving while being a F@#$ing idiot. Cops are too busy stopping people for the more obvious reasons of motor vehicle accidents.